In the 1990's the US Army conducted an experiment. They took tissue from a combat soldier, placed it in a petri dish and placed that dish in the next room. They then hooked up both the soldier and the dish to machines that monitored the soldier's responses to various visual stimuli.
He was shown slides of pleasant things – pretty women, chocolate cake, nature - and slides of unpleasant things – dead comrades, bombed villages, car accidents. The soldier's reactions were not a big surprise, but what was amazing was that the measured responses from the soldier and his tissue in the petri dish were not only identical, they occurred simultaneously even when separated by 350 miles. (1)
Any mothers of addicts out there will not find this surprising. Our sons and daughters are made up of the tissue we shared while they grew in our wombs, and there is a link between us that is unique. We feel way too much of what they feel. For better or worse we are connected.
Our pre-natal addicts' developing hearts entrained to the beat of our hearts, our biological systems informed and regulated one another, they registered our emotions, they quickened inside us and together our bodies found the perfect moment for birth. Now, as mothers of heroin, cocaine, meth, benzo, pot or alcohol addicts, we feel as they walk though the door if they are using, stealing, lying. We feel our hope and ignore our intuition. They feel our hope and use it to get what they want.
According to the Army experiment we will never be completely separate at the energetic level. Our very DNA is linked. Every mother of every addict feels this, as do friends, lovers, fathers and siblings, of course. But we moms are fated to an extra energetic tug.
What can we do? What can any of us do to help ease the crazy-making magnetic pull that draws us over and over again to want to help, to heal, to change them?
The incredibly good news is that there is something that can help us as we practice congruence and setting boundaries with our addicts.
We can learn to manage our own energy field.
We may forever be intuitively connected to our kids, but we have the ability and right to control what we do with our own and other people's energy. We can choose what we hold onto, what we allow to victimize or control us. This blog, “The Needle, The Compass and True North” is about how we can do this.
Here's the first tip: You are "senior" in your "space." When I say “space” I am talking about our physical bodies and the electromagnetic energy field that surrounds each of us, more popularly known as our aura.
The aura is part of us, not some kind of mystical cloud that accumulates and floats around with us. We don't stop at the skin; our energy field is still Us. It is our non-physical energy body.
When I say “senior” I mean that we are in charge and have the right to choose what “foreign” (not belonging to us) energy we will or won't allow into our space and how we choose to let it affect us or not. This includes your addict's energy.
Since you were conceived, you have been aware of and exchanging vibratory information with everyone around you. Everyone does it, it's part of who we are as human beings. And we are almost always unconscious of it.
Think to a time when you were feeling just fine when you went into the grocery for a loaf of bread but by the time you walked back out the door you were in an angry snit about - nothing! Chances are good you entrained to or "picked up" that energy vibration from someone in the store. Or maybe it was a time when you accidentally cut someone off in traffic and though you couldn't hear them, you were certainly empathically aware of the *%#$&!! that came flying at you energetically.
It is also our nature to to try to unconsciously heal, fix, persuade, manipulate or otherwise affect each other with our energy. We may "take on" our addict's painful vibrations into our energy field to try to make life easier for them. We may allow them to throw their chaotic vibrations into our field, or let them steal our energy. We may even willingly give them our own energy, hoping it will fund them with what they need to make better choices. Until we learn how to manage our energy, this is all happening at an unconscious level and it can feel devastating.
These are just a few steps of the energy cha-cha you and your addict (and everyone else) do. And this is what you have the power to change. You can clear your aura and body of other people's energy so you can feel the grace of having just your vibration in your field.
Giving your addict back the energy that you've been trying to manage for them and letting them remember who they are - as painful as that might be - is one of the best gifts you can offer. We can never heal another person's energy for them. We can support and believe in them as they find their way back to their True North.